Monday, June 04, 2007

Venting and Blinking

I rarely know what the kids are into now a days. I'm a simple girl really. The fact that I can figure out how to write a post still amazes me. After a year of blog surfing, I have noticed on the margins of many blogs are these little icons that flash cutesy pie messages, appropriately called "blinkies". For your viewing pleasure, I have found 10 "blinkies" that are God-awful. If you have one of these damn things on your blog (specifically one of the top 10 worst I could find), stop it now.

1) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(If you love watching Will and Grace reruns to the point where you have to have a blinking message that subtley announces your passion for bad puns and regurgitated stereotypes, then you problem isn't your flamboyance-it's your bad taste in safe comedy that considers itself "edgy".)

2) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(Wow... you are sexually daring and you can write! I bet you love Sex and the City too! In fact, I bet every sentence you write ends in an exclamation point or three!!! Your blog is probably full of bad date recaps and crazy hook-ups that leave you so ashamed the only way to purge yourself is to anonymously confess your indiscretions to the entire Internet!)

3) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(If you call it a live journal, you are probably too dorky to be entertaining. I'll probably be subjected to random pictures of your cats in "holiday themed"costumes if I continue reading your blog.)

4) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

( You my friend are a different kind of dorky if you need to put this "blinkie" on your blog. You are "convention" dorky. You probably speak Klingon and have a dusty basement full of things you collect.)

5) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(How can you even be on the Internets, yo'? You aren't even allowed to have electricity. I saw the movie WITNESS - I know what's up. Stop blogging and get back to milking.)

6) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(What's a matter with you? Why would you advertise sub-par fish meal that vaguely resembles sea-food for free on your blog? If the "blinkie" said "I love the cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster", then maybe I could understand. Maybe. But chances are, you probably consider White Castle fine dining, in which case you are a lost cause.)

7) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(Unless you are Prince, there is no excuse for this proclamation.)

8) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(This is so disturbing I don't know what to say. Even if you are NINEteen it still borders on some type of legal infringement. All it says to me is, "I went to high school, sat through sex ed., and all I got was this screaming baby." Unless of course you are an amazing time traveler who is actually writing a blog from the late 1800's and your life expectancy is only until the age of 22...then I apologize.)

9) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(This is only cool if you are from New Jersey. Actually, I take that back. This is never cool.)

10) myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

(Gross. Keep that kind of La Leche crap to yourself. Sometimes I try to eat while I'm reading blogs and this is going to make me sick on my keyboard. Fight for your right to breast feed in public all you want- but trust me, your kid does not want the world to know how long it sat on your teet.)


Blogger Sideon said...

Thank Gawd you're back. :)

Best chuckle I've had all day!

11:35 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

Wow. I think this is the first hateful thing you've written. And all insprired by tiny blinking icons.

Mine would say: "My blog is stupider than your blog."

10:13 AM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...

Thanks Sid...mwah!

As for Andy...HATEFUL? more like brilliant ;)
darfur = hateful
blinkies = annoying

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Monique said...

Definite sign of aging: You use the phrase "the kids." I say it with irony, but still, I say it, knowing full well I am not one of them. Sigh.

9:08 PM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...

Monique- My "first" sign of aging came when I found out I was too old to audition for "The Real World". Did I have a desire to be on the show? Not so much. But the fact I was too old to be considered just pissed me the heck off!

10:23 PM  
Blogger Sofi said...

That's awesome! Teenage Mommy? I love Red Lobster? I'm in awe.

3:42 PM  

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