Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Keep Your Head Down and Your Heart Open...

Everything I need to know about love I learned from Renee Zellweger. She has taught me all types of things. The most important lesson being the classic "damsel" pose. Keep your head down but keep your eyes up...kind of like an expectant puppy waiting for a treat. Guys love that pose. She even used it in her wedding photo. So hence, proof that it works. Classic.

The first lesson I learned began with her character Dorothy Boyd in Jerry Maguire. Remember, if your man has a dream, believe in it. What? You want me to leave my job and work for your crackpot agency that may or may not have health insurance? Sure babe. It sounds like an amazing idea! You can do it. I believe. I will defend you to every cynic I know!

Dorothy Boyd: I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is.

Cue: Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen

( Remember girls...head down!)

The second lesson I learned was that sometimes your man says some silly stuff when things get bad. If you find yourself in this situation and worry that what he says will have irreperable damage that will cause you to view him as pathetic cut him off and stroke his ego.

Jerry Maguire: I love you. You...complete me.

Dorothy Boyd: Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "hello."

Cue: Secret Garden swelling to a heartbreaking crescendo.

The third lesson I learned was taught to me by Renee's character Mae Braddock in Cinderella Man. When your man is hurting, let him know that you hurt too.

Mae Braddock: Every time you get hit, feels like I'm getting hit too.

(Seriously, keep your head down or he won't believe a single word coming out of your mouth!)

In addition, Cinderella Man also taught me that even if I understand what my man does for a living, I should never really "get it". That way he always feels like he's a bit smarter. If at any point I feel like I'm getting too uppity I should remind him that he's the king.

Mae Braddock: Maybe I don't understand, some, about having to fight. So you just remember who you're the Bulldog of Bergen and the Pride of New Jersey, you're everybody's hope, and the kids' hero, and you are the champion of my heart, James J. Braddock.

But probably the most important lesson ever instilled in me came from the animated film Shark Tale. Yes, even as a fish named Angie, Renee knows how to get her man. That's no small feat considering the rival fish was played by Angelina Jolie. But Renee did it with the classic, "I was here the whole time" bit. Well played Renee!

Angie: Are you that blind?

Oscar: At least she treats me like I'm somebody!

Angie: Yeah, well would she love you if you were a nobody?

Oscar: NOBODY loved me when I was a nobody!

Angie: I DID!

(See, even if you wind up as a fish suffering from unrequited love, keep your head down. Love will find you!)

Happy Valentine's Day!


Anonymous Monique said...

ROFL!!!! I hated Jerry Maguire, but I do like that Secret Garden song.

Maybe there actually is a good lesson in all of this -- actually know your husband before you marry him, to avoid any embarrassing "annulments" down the road.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

Hmm ... did she have any head down moments in Bridget Jones?

2:47 PM  
Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

But what did she teach you in THE DIARY OF BRIDGET JONES, COLD MOUNTAIN, and CHICAGO?

8:15 PM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...


BRIDGET JONES she taught me to make sure I wear sexy panties if there's even the slightest chance of hooking up

COLD MOUNTAIN she taught me it's ok to be angry about a war that I don't understand... "they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Shit, it's raining!'

and in CHICAGO she taught me that if your man cheats on you after all you've done, it's okay to shoot the bastard, slap on some lipstick, and dance about it...

8:27 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

Yeah, eye contact is very important.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Hmmm. Didn't Jerry Maguire touch Dorothy's breast before they were an item? What did Fay Wray teach you about love?

6:44 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

Thank you for commenting on my blog. It made my day.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Jojo - is angry. said...

What's wrong with keeping your head down? huh? I don't get it, just look up. It's not that hard.

But, we all know why woman like to keep their heads down, cause they're always looking down, hoping they might have a baby in their stomach.

12:25 AM  

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