Wednesday, February 07, 2007

My Gift To You...

I am a kind person. Some may go so far as to say I am one of the most generous people they know. A perfect example of my generosity would be my “Nick’s Valentine” pajamas that I have been trying to give away since about this time last year. Was it my smartest purchase ever? No. Was it my most inebriated purchase ever? Undoubtedly, Yes. By purchasing these PJ’s that I thought would be “oh so cute and funny” to wear on Valentine’s Day for “Nick the Dick” which trust me, was a definite step up from “Chuck the Fuck” I was in turn buying a one way ticket for chick-flick Friday’s and being set up on some of the worst dates ever. Back to my generosity…

Nick is a common name. A few of my friends have dated people named Nick and I always get excited because finally I can give these PJ’s away. A male co-worker had a friend named Nick and as a favor to me, tried to give the PJ’s to him, to give to the girl he was dating. It must be a curse, because these PJ’s have been given away three times and the relationships have yet to last to a single Valentine’s Day. The PJ’s keep coming back to me like a damn boomerang. They have never been worn, so this year I am trying something new…If you are dating someone named Nick who is a real jerk, or have a friend named Nick who is dating a girl he can do much better than…give them these PJ’s. The relationship will be over before you know it and everything in your life will be back to normal. Ladies, you will get your life back and gentleman, you will get your drinking buddy back and free from that chick who was killing his spirit. Consider it a gift from me...


Blogger Sideon said...

Nick the Dick
Chuck the Fuck
Sam the Sham
Rick the Prick
Tony the Pony

Most of my exes had monosyllabic names that weren't any fun to rhyme. They ended up with monikers like "the cheating bastard", "he who kisses like a llama," or "body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel."

4:42 PM  
Blogger Greedy Kristian said...

I could of used these a few years ago when I dated a Nick. The relationship didn't last that long (3 weeks), because I kept calling him Nate. OOPS!

4:47 PM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...

Obviously, I only choose my dates depending on what kind of nickname I can bestow upon them after the love is gone.

"body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel"...kah-lassic!

5:46 PM  
Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

LOL to you, "said" woman, and to the commenters here as well. Damn funny, all of you. Thanks for the laugh.

My husband's name is Dart. You can figure out his moniker...

12:43 AM  
Blogger Sideon said...


Dart the Go-cart?
Dart Won't Start?
Dart from Walmart?
Dart the Wart just sounds funny.


Did I get it right?

Gawd, I need to go to bed.

2:17 AM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...

SML- Dart? Seriously? Is that short for something? Is he Native American? Montana is damn crazy.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

It's shortened from his real name, which I know he'd be pissed that I gave out, if I did.

Nobody used "fart" which was the only one I was thinking!

Ha ha ha.

3:39 PM  

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