Friday, February 23, 2007

These Boots Are Made For Walkin'

I work next to a shoe store. I always walk past it but never go in. We were given discount cards for the store as long as we can provide a work ID, so I thought, "Ok, enough is enough." As much as I hate shopping, I love cheap stuff.

I found a great pair of heels. Here's the problem- Jessica Simpson makes them. I imagine she piles all her extensions onto the top of her head with a scrunchie and hunches over a pile of red patent pleather and leopard print material and somehow manages to cobble up a shoe design from the back of John Mayer's tour bus. Then she ships the mock up to a factory in Japan where John translates her order in Japanese. It's a hobby, but a very lucrative one I'm sure. Somebody's got to foot the bill for all those dinners at Koi and Mr. Chow's.

She's got collagen looks, bleached out real and fake hair, big boobies, never has been caught lip-synching, a cute boy band ex-husband, a tall grammy winning current boyfriend, a wig business, a shoe line, and a hot Dad who has highlights. If I buy those hooker shoes, can they guarantee me that much fabulousness? If so, I'll take two pairs.


Blogger Andy said...

Nice use of John Mayer trivia - he did indeed spend quite some time over there.

I am going to buy shoes today too. I'm gonna play it smart and not just buy the one this time.

2:59 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

But Jessica couldn't have written that post. Because she's stupid.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

I just got caught up on your recent posts. You are an amazing writer, and very entertaining.

And the shoes? Fabulous!

5:13 PM  
Blogger Sideon said...

TWO pair??

The only thing related to Jessica that I could handle would be her ex-husband. Between the two of them, they shared one brain cell, but then again, I wouldn't be interested in conversation. Ahem.

12:37 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

you get a discount at a shoe store. DAMN you!! the world is so unfair...

7:40 PM  
Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

OMG, just be thankful the shoes don't sing! :-)

Nice pair, BTW ... love the platform.

2:59 PM  
Blogger dirk.mancuso said...

If it does guarantee you all that, I'll take a pair too.

Except I won't dump the cute boy-band hubbie for the current creepy faced Grammy winning boyfriend. Trading Nick Lachey for John Mayer just proves how stoopid she is.

11:28 PM  
Blogger Kiki said...

Those shoes are super hot.

9:18 PM  

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