Pusher Man

Every month I have to go to the pharmacy and deal with Abu. I don't know where he's from, how he got to NYC, or how he became my pharmacist. It wasn't my choice I assure you. One day he just showed up and he's been enraging me ever since. All I need from Abu are two things...headache medicine for my constant migraines and birth control for my constant need to not get pregnant. Instead I get thinly veiled insults and have to witness him humiliating customers left and right.

Last month when I picked up my birth control he wished me Happy Mother's Day. I mean really. He has my pharmaceutical history and my age right in front of him. He knows the deal. It would currently be impossible for me to have kids considering how long I've been taking BC (or as I like to call them, "Adult Breath Mints") but he still insists on saying Happy Mother's Day. It's like his little jab letting me know that I should be having kids by now and I should just get on with it. He also likes to tell me that for my age I shouldn't be getting these headaches. What the hell. Abu is not my mom. He also likes to tell me that I spend way too much for my prescriptions. Apparently he likes to moonlight as a middle eastern Suze Orman. What is he? Moroccan Medicaid?

The best was when he announced to all of the customers waiting for their prescriptions (because everyone waits for their prescriptions when Abu is involved - even if you call it in ahead of time) "Excuse me, but who here is waiting for the Valtrex?" Holy hell. Even more shocking was the girl who admitted it...wow. Brave soul. But I guess if I was waiting for more than half an hour in the back of an overheated drug store, I'd bite the bullet too, and just do what it takes to get the prescription and run. (I'd also like to make a note that the girl who picked up the Valtrex for what I can only assume is a raging case of herpes was gorgeous. One of the prettiest girls I'd seen. I felt bad for her. She probably trusted somebody enough to let them give her the herp...then I started to get really angry. Like there should be some law punishing people who knowingly give someone an STD...that's a whole other post. I am getting off track.)

See how enraged this little guy makes me! I'm starting to think Abu knows what he's doing. He's not stupid. The smart thing would be to switch pharmacies, I know. But it's so close to my apartment and I was there before Abu ever was...