Monday, October 23, 2006

Where Does Olive Oil Come From Anyway?

I went grocery shopping last night and it wasn't until I got home that I realized I didn't get any olive oil (that's EEVO for all you Rachel Ray zombies) for a recipe I wanted to make...basically the whole reason for me going to get groceries in the first place! I never get the basics for groceries. I am an impulse grocery girl. I buy by recipe. Not smart, but I'm on the go for the most part and the food will go to waste if it sits there. Hate that. I needed olive oil, so I went down to the bodega on the corner. And there he knight in a dirty apron!

This guy at the deli is the cutest one-armed Arab guy on the planet. serious. I would go so far as to say insanely fine. He could tell I was looking for something on the shelf out of my reach and he came from around the counter to help me get the olive oil. Okay, so he dropped it, but he was so damn charming. He asked me what I was making and then told me he had to pick up some stuff himself because he was meeting some friends for dinner because they meet every Sunday to cook together and hang out. How cute is that? Maybe it's cuter because he has one arm, because usually if an Arab guy tells me he's going to meet up with some buddies, I'm gonna secretly wonder, "Ummmm,Why?" Yeah, what an awful thing to say. I know. I'm kidding. Sort Of.

Then I started to imagine my life with my one-armed Arab boyfriend.

It's got to be hard enough being "generically middle eastern" these days. People must get suspicious. Look at him up and down, try to "read" him, then they see he has one arm and it must confuse them. Make them wonder, "Is this guy harmless or a total bad ass?"

What about us? What if we have to move one day or something falls behind the couch? I have a bad back. Can he help me lift heavy stuff or am I going to have to call my platonic guy friends. But then the platonic guy friends might not show up because they know I'm with the one armed Arab guy now. Hmmmm...

Will he be affectionate in public? What about hand-holding? Is that out because I would want to hold his one hand and then he's left defenseless? He has to be able to protect himself from the crazy tourist in an American flag trucker hat who just flew in to the city to see where the towers fell and thinks he's spotted a terrorist...

How much can he make from a disability check anyway? 700 a month? Is he a citizen? Will he pressure me for a Green Card? Will his friends call me insulting names in Farsi or whatever they speak? Will we have to have the Burka talk? UUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Then my head started to hurt. It's was all too confusing and intense... this whole world climate thing and then deciding to cook my own meal instead of getting delivery. I can't handle both. Besides, I had to get home before Desperate Housewives.


Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

OK, seriously. I'm guessing this guy is like most people who have something missing...he's got even better skills with his one arm since that's the only one he uses. Like a blind person hears even better than most people, etc. Imagine what someone that hot could do with his one arm.....sigh. Is it getting hot in here??

3:54 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

What a bizzarre post. Similarly though I was getting on the subway in Union Square the other day and saw this unbelievably gorgeous chick...with t-rex arms. From the elbows down her arms/hands were tiny (or perhaps just nubs, I can't remember). But she was so freakin' hot. I mean really hot. Like, movie-star hot. I concluded that I would definitely date her. I could take pictures only from the neck up and get primo parking.

6:01 PM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...

See, not so bizzarre after all!!! I guess instead of a "butter face", she'd be a "butter arms". Is there street slang out there for hotties with funked up arms? Will I be punished for this post? Has my karma been shot to hell???

6:14 PM  
Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

I'm thinking it's better to be able to see their "shortcomings" than to find they're missing something vital on the INSIDE, like compassion, or sensitivity, or patience, or something important like that.

11:25 PM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...

Totally...but hotness does make up for a lot ;)

12:24 AM  
Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

too true, too true. Siiiigh. I wish you could go back and take a clandestine photo of said hot guy with one arm, and post it.


1:42 PM  

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