Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Diamonds Are Not Always A Girl's Best Friend

I went to meet him at a Greek restaurant. We're both Greek. Why must we eat Greek food too? Are we trying to prove our ethnicity? Perhaps do a dialect quiz? Yuck. Everything about this seemed like a bad idea, including the fact that it was a blind date, but I agreed to go. My bad. oops.

I am always a big proponent of "what if' so I never try to to say no when someone asks me out or tries to set me up unless I know that there is no way in hell I can even have a conversation with the person. It's not because I'm hoping for a free meal, because I have so many food hang-ups it's crazy...like if you start talking about a hospital I feel sick- I have to plug my ears and chew. The same thing goes if people are laughing around me when I eat- I'm afraid I will start laughing too, and as a result choke, so I plug my ears and chew quickly so I don't start cracking up...Yes, I am odd...but cute odd, not odd-odd. Just nod and pretend to agree...

I walk in the restaurant and I figure it's my date when he says to the host, "Oh this must be her." A little subtlety would have been nice. I feel like the wait staff is staring at me. Is that busboy smirking? Super. Now the whole world has been informed this is either a blind date or this guy's hired escort has shown up for the evening. Ok...he is too old for me. period. end of discussion. There is a laundry list I could tell you of why this is a no-go, but let's leave it there for now. You know in two minutes whether or not these things have potential...why sit through dinner? Drinks are the way to go.

As we are walk to the table, he says that he bought me a gift and he wants me to open it when I get to the table. uh...wha? Once we are seated he pulls out a jewelry box. I open it and it is a bracelet with the "evil eye" that is designed to ward off bad wishes, jealousy, etc. Old world superstitious stuff...you get the picture. Maybe he knows something I don't know. I give him the "thanks but you shouldn't have". I'm not an ingrate, it's just awkward. Then he tells me he was sorry he missed my birthday and can he make it up to me? "Oh no worries", I say. (It was more than a month ago-I'm over it...)

At the end of dinner, the waiter suggests bringing out dessert. "Oh, no thanks," I say. Apparently, the waiter wasn't suggesting dessert- I misunderstood. He was informing me it was being brought out. My Greek Romeo ordered a "birthday" dessert. Around the corner come the waitstaff singing "Happy Birthday" with a candle shoved into a piece of baklava. I didn't know that was even possible according to the laws of physics. They also brought out another present. I have never met this old dude until tonight...is this candid camera? Somebody has to be watching this! He bought me a t-shirt that had the word "Koukla" (the Greek word for babydoll) bedazzled across my chest. That's right, BEDAZZLED! I'm so embarrassed. I thanked him again and got the hell out of dodge.

I'm wearing the shirt and the bracelet today. Part of it may be guilt, but the other part is that I knew if I didn't bring proof to work that nobody would believe a word of this...I've never gone out on a date and come out of it with props...or worn such a God-awful shirt in public.


Blogger matt said...

Are you sure you met the right date? Maybe you ended up with Mr. Magoo by mistake and your real date thought that he had been stood up.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Sister Mary Lisa said...

Oh. My. God. That is just crazy. I'm sitting here wondering if he has his own Bedazzler and Bedazzled the shirt himself in a labor of love. The first gift thing was uber weird. Evil eye?? Maybe HE'S the evil to be avoided. Then the birthday baklava with yet another gift?! Too funny. Too pathetic. I'm just hoping he doesn't send you roses that tell you what a great time he had and he hopes you'll do it again sometime. Or have you already received them?

I'm also dang curious to hear how you ended the date. You said you thanked him and got the hell out of dodge. Does that mean you abruptly ended the date right there and left alone? How awkward that must've been. Too bad you weren't actually attracted to this guy, because then you'd have had a whopper of a story to tell your grandkids about how cheesy grandpa was on your first date.

Word verification: joeyyp

His name wasn't by chance Joey, was it???

12:47 PM  
Blogger "said" Woman said...

Never thought of that...Curses!!!!!

1:18 PM  

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