Friday, June 22, 2007

Liars, And Tigers, And Bears...Oh My!


In third grade my teacher was Mrs. Hallardin. She was the worst when it came to teaching math. She taught me all of my subjects unfortunately, so let's just say it was a bad year. One time, she asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I said a lawyer. (Did I necessarily want to be a lawyer? No. Did it sound respectable at the time? Yes. I also thought LA LAW was a cool grown-up show...we all make mistakes.) She then said, "Lots of liars are lawyers." So basically I was dealing with a passive nightmare of a teacher at 8 years old. Was I a liar? not really. Let's just say, that at my elementary school they offered student club activities during the school day...in my mind (and in what I thought was a brilliant attempt at avoiding schoolwork/verbal abuse) I thought I was a member of every single club and was repeatedly chased down by Mrs. Hallardin and brought back into class.

Picture me 20 some years younger jazz boxing my little heart out...

INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM / STAGE - DAY

"Said" Woman is 8 years old in pig tails learning choreography for the elementary school spring production of "The Wizard of Oz". As a member of the "lollipop guild" she has just been given a solo and couldn't be happier that she doesn't have to do her times tables back in the classroom like all the other chumps.


Enter Mrs. Hallardin looking frazzled, dour, and angry because she had to walk somewhere.

Mrs. Hallardin
What do you think you are doing young lady?

"Said"

I'm rehearsing my part.


Mrs. Hallardin
You should be rehearsing math with the rest of the class.

"Said"

...but I thought the munchkins always rehearse on Wednesdays.

Mrs. Hallardin
They do, but you were just here at the flying monkey rehearsal on Tuesday.

"Said"
(mumbles under her breath)
Dreamkiller.

8 year old "Said" walks back to class with her head hung low as Mrs. Hallardin follows her closely behind. "Said" has been beaten this time, but secretly she's smiling on the inside because she knows that no matter what, she won't be like Mrs. Hallardin when she grows up with her white button down shrirts tucked into her ankle length skirts and her glasses that hang so far down on the tip of her nose that people spend more time wondering if they are going to fall off her face and be crushed by her mammoth sized feet than what she is actually trying to teach. ( OK...Maybe I got a little carried away here at the end.)

FIN


Thus began my career as an activity strong / GPA weak student. I swear all of the above really happened (except for the last line). Truth be told, I was the best damn flying monkey ever and the lollipop guild sucked without me.

2 Comments:

Blogger Webmiztris said...

what an awful teacher! "lots of lairs are lawyers"? gees! sure, it's true, but STILL, to say it to a child? ;)

12:55 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

OMG, that is so funny! I was a winkie, too; my little brother was toto.

7:08 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home