Thursday, May 29, 2008

Textual Healing...

I recently stopped seeing a guy because he texted me all the time. ALL THE TIME. I miss him but my thumbs don't. My only pride saver was that I told him we shouldn't see each other anymore by text. I thought for sure that would show him! I was trying to make a point that the texting had taken it's toll on me, but instead I just got a text back from him accusing me of having a "Sex and the City" moment. He tried to one up my break-up text with another text...I had to get out before carpal tunnel set in.

What's a matter with people now a days? I think technology is making us stupider. Spellcheck means people don't have to learn how a word is actually spelled. Calculators mean people don't have to learn how to do basic arithmatic. And worse, text messaging makes something as simple as a "Goodnight Call" obsolete. Now perhaps, Men Love Bitches and He's Just Not That Into Me but I would never admit that...the problem was his texting. I'm sure he was in love with me. They all are. It was the texting. Yeah, that's it...

Oh lord.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Reasons to Be Ashamed (A Photo Essay)

This morning I woke up and decided to skip my

Which would have been fine except I forgot that this guy

is coming in to do interviews today.

As a result, I've decided to hide in my

To avoid running into that guy I ordered delivery of

But unfortunately, it didn't agree with me so I've spent most of the day in here

Which would have been fine except I'm wearing

so now everyone who could see my feet in there is stopping by here to ask me if I'm ok.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Let's Get it On ...

I got a job promotion with too much writing. Then I got a job as a writer. Then I felt lazy when it came to writing anything not work related. Then I hated myself for neglecting my little bloggie. Then I wrote this....I come back to you with no fan fare. No fancy stories. No nuthin'. if anyone checks goes.

My friend called me recently to tell me that he's in therapy because his ex-girlfriend told him right before she dumped him that he had a small dick. Yes, you read that right. During our phone conversations, which typically happen in the middle of the night when he's tipsy or pacing in front of his apartment building chain smoking, my friend likes to tell me true confessions. The conversations usually happen 3-4 times a year but they are jam-packed with me silently wondering, "What the F*ck is he going on about?" This was one of those moments...I mean, who says that? Is that kind of brutal honesty in personal relationships common? Wowza!

First of all, screw that girl. Maybe he does have a small one. Oh well. I'm not sure, and it's not exactly on my "to-do" list for the 2008-09 season. But the kicker of it was they dated for years and then she decides to tell him. Like her final way of saying, I'm leaving for a lot of reasons but the big one (or little one as she's claiming) is the one thing he can't change. It just seems all sorts of wrong.

Second of all, whatever happened to just parting ways with no one worse for the wear. Isn't there such a thing as too much honesty? If I ask someone, "Hey, do I look fat in this dress?" (Which by the way, I never have because I don't want to know the damn answer...) BUT if I did, would it hurt for someone to just say "It looks perfect on YOU" - that way you aren't categorically denying the fat part but you're not playing it up either- Eh, I like a little sugar with my truth that's all.

Third of all, I google searched "too honest" and I found this Cosmo quiz called : "Are You Too Honest?" Here's a mind-blowing sample question...

1) When you go to pick up your recently dumped pal, she's slobbed out. You say:

A) "Are you trying to stay single forever? Go put on something sexy."

B) "Oh, you can't wear that --- I'll look like I'm dressed like a tart next to you! Pretty please, go put on a skirt, as a favor to me?"
c) "You look adorable."

As far as I'm concerned, if you say any of those three things to your recently dumped pal, you're probably:

A) stupid.
B) a madam.
C) a patronizing ass.

I thought this quiz question would help, but I think it muddied up what I was trying to say -but that's what I get for trying to reference a cosmo quiz to illustrate a point. The same thing happens when I read that magazine - I get mad and I don't feel smarter. The point is this, be kind people. Even sarcastic cynics like myself can muster that up on a daily basis especially when I can see someone's down. If I may be so brave as to quote the great Marvin Gaye, "We're all sensitive people..."

Now act like it, dammit.