Thursday, March 18, 2010

Monkey See, Monkey Do...

I don’t know what possessed me to be up early enough to get breakfast today on the way to work. I walked in to the restaurant and got into the longest line ever. To my left were a table of “gentlemen” in business suits. One of the guys looked to his co-workers and said, “What do you think?” They all laughed and then he turned to me and said, “My secretary just quit yesterday. Interested?” His ‘boys” laughed louder – probably desperate for this Neanderthal’s approval.

At first it just didn’t register what he was saying and what kind of sexist, petty, clearly unfunny man he was – we just live in such a day and age that I assume shit like this doesn’t really happen anymore. Perhaps in movies, but certainly not in real life. Apparently I live in a bubble. I just walked out of the restaurant without ordering in shock. As I was leaving, one of the guys called out to me, “Come back! We were kidding.” Really, dickhead? Look, I’m not an expert in comedy, but I’m pretty sure jokes are supposed to be funny.

I hope his secretary found a better job and didn’t leave because he made it such a dreadful and uncomfortable place to work. I hope she one day owns the company and manages to have as many babies as she wants while running the place. I hope he loses his job and has to come back as her secretary. Then I hope she explains to him that since the economy is so bad they can only hire him for 39 hours a week so unfortunately he won’t qualify for health insurance, but there’s a great Cobra plan he can sign up for that will keep him fully insured for only 700 dollars a month which I’m sure will be so easy to afford since he will be making about 12 dollars an hour if he’s lucky. And lastly, I hope this man never has a daughter.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Smells like ...

a bad joke. Yeah, I said it.

(If the video doesn't appear, just type "Nirvana On Ice - Global Warming" in the You Tube search bar-you won't regret it, I promise.)

It wasn't until about a minute and forty seconds in that I realized this was completely serious. Somewhere Kurt Cobain was crying or laughing...take your pick. What have we been reduced to as a society? Is nothing sacred? Is anyone listening to these lyrics, and if so, why is the next logical step to make this song the accompaniment to a bad ice dance? Is everyone in the crowd high? Did anyone look at each other and ask what is this guy thinking? Was his coach fired at the last minute and this is what this guy came up with? Even worse, what if he paid a coach and a choreographer to execute this hot mess of a routine? And more importantly, why did nobody question what he was wearing. He doesn't look like Kurt Cobain, A Seattle resident, an early 90's grunge devotee, or even an extra in this movie:

Instead, this skater looks like the lamest Slayer/ Scorpion fan ever. The best part of this whole routine is everytime you hear Kurt Cobain growl out the phrase "my libido" during the Smells Like Teen Spirit chorus, this asshole on skates busts out a triple axel. The nerve.

This must have been how my parents felt the first time my parents heard Revolution by The Beatles playing on a Nike ad...