It's His "Cool World", We Just Live In It

I was walking home from work the other night night around 9 PM. I know I shouldn't walk alone in the dark at night (Thanks Mom, for putting the fear of God into me that I am a candidate for all types of awful attacks. When my old roommate was assaulted, my Mom actually called me and requested that I dye my blond hair brown because I would get less attention and she would feel better. Yup. Let's just say she's the nervous type.) But I had put in a long day, and I swear I could feel my ass start to spread in my chair somewhere around four in the afternoon. If I didn't walk home I was going to turn in to a twinkie tush.

Halfway home, I notice a group of three very large, menacing looking men walking towards me on the sidewalk. I move to the right of the sidewalk to let them pass. That's when it happened. Just like a movie. A bum steps forward shaking a cup at the group of men and asks for spare change. They shake their head to let them know it's not going to happen. Then the bum takes a closer look and starts screaming, "It's Brad Pitt. It's muthafuckin' Brad Pitt!! Holy Shit, ya'll. That's Brad fuckin' Pitt!" Let me clarify, the bum wasn't yelling. He was SCREAMING!!!! Like a girl. Or as a Frat boy would say during a flag football play gone wrong, "Like a little Bitch." Seriously, this homeless guy was dancing and squealing with delight. I felt like I was in a bad Chapelle Show sketch.

I turned to look and I did catch a glimpse of Brad Pitt. Perhaps I imagined it, but I swear I saw him pop his collar and nod in a way that said, "Yes, I am muthafuckin' Brad Pitt." Because face it, if you're that famous what else can you do? You can't walk on the street with the plebeians, that's for sure. He was so good-looking that suddenly the idea of marrying him, adopting our own Tsunami baby, and travelling from country to country making the world our own personal hotel room, seemed like a totally reasonable plan. But actually, I was more fascinated with the homeless dude. He went from starving to star-fucker in two seconds. What kind of celebrity obsessed culture do we live in, where suddenly the need for food and shelter is surpassed by the sighting of the hot guy from Thelma and Louise?