Friday, September 08, 2006

Hate It or Love It

"Indifference is the kiss of death". Huh? What? Yup. I think I'm suffering from indifference (or my blog is.) Sorry folks, but I've just been feeling not quite myself lately...When I was in high school my Mom ripped out a fashion ad with that quote on it and gave it to me. It was advertising shoes and the ad featured a bright purple suede shoe. It made no sense to me but I thought it looked cool so I hung it in my locker next to my mirror. I looked at that ad all the time.

In retrospect, my Mom (I think) was passively trying to convince me that the bright purple suede jacket she had just bought me was not as ugly as I thought it was because "see even fashion magazines think purple suede is in" and "it cost a lot of money". My Mom ,at the time, was big on getting us things that she thought were nice because we needed to learn to have an appreciation for finer things. Once she turned into a single parent that philosophy wasn't as progressive or important...obviously. But that's a whole other post...What that ad did teach me though, is that the last thing I ever wanted to be thought of in this life was "indifferent" or "apathetic".

So it really bothered me that I had been feeling all kinds of "out of sorts" lately. I think I had just turned all my anger, confusion, and stress into indifference because that was the best way for me to get out of bed and show up at work. A girl needs to eat and keep a roof over her head...I think.

I've been hiding behind the, " If you don't allow yourself to feel you can't get hurt" kind of philosophy lately, and it turns out, apathy, is not hot. See sometimes Paris Hilton may look apathetic, or "hot" as the kids say, but that's misleading, because deep down she's not, it's just her lazy eye that makes her appear that way. Wonky eyes are a tricky thing. (That has nothing to do with nothing, but I felt compelled to mention it anyway.)

My apathy had to do with my sublet leaving, my regular roomies returning, my ass landlord, and my poopy job (which is not, nor ever will be cool.) Well I'm done feeling bad for me and I need to get back to being awesome. the world needs it.

You know who else needs it? Fiddy Cent. He got arrested today and brought to the precinct across the street from where I work. All I saw was his fancy Lamborghini. It showed me that, see everyone has problems, but his will probably cost more than mine...and more people will give a shit. So Fiddy, you got 3 weeks buddy, to get back to being awesome. That's all I took. the world needs it.


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