Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Fool Me Once Justin, Shame On You...

I’m not into blogging about celebrities. Other people can do that much better than I can and with quicker wit. I even work in the “biz” (whatever that means) and I get confused by all the crap that is repackaged, retooled, and remastered out there. I usually can ignore it, but I can’t take it when it comes to Justin Timberlake. Do I hate him? No. I have never met him. But I think he is the biggest fraud of talent out there. He is manufactured and dependent upon others around him to hide his true lack of talent. Unfortunately, his dependency on women to keep him in the public’s eye is what infuriates me. I didn’t really put too much thought into him until the infamous “Superbowl…Oops, that’s Ms. Jackson if your nasty’s nipple debacle”. I can’t believe the FCC came down so hard on just her. Why was HE not held accountable as well. Hey “Timberloser”, it takes two to tango! You tried to declare it was a wardrobe malfunction when the “said” malfunction happened on the lyric of YOUR song at the poetic “I’ll have you naked by the end of this song”…you suck. I should have sued you for attempted murder because I almost choked on my cheetos and chili dip at halftime that year! The stage manager for the show I was working on at the time was also the stage manager for your halftime shitfest… you took advantage of her too by putting her and everyone else's job’s at risk, because you needed a boost to your album sales. Other female victims include but are not limited to…Cameron Diaz, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Kylie Minogue….

His success is trivial. His terrible “I’m from the ghetto” accent that he acquired on the back lot of Orlando’s dangerous Disney studios should enrage the very people he tries to endear himself to. I’m done. I can’t. He’s keeping me from enjoying my day and I can’t give him that power. I must sound like a disgruntled Backstreet Boy. The bottom line, is that his album was only good because his producers were some of the most talented in the business. Those same producers make Paris Hilton sound good…check the album credits.

I’m only ranting because he is getting ready to “drop” his new album on us all. That means he’s about to do something stupid…again. I’m only trying to protect those I love. Brace yourselves and don’t say I didn’t warn you!!!!



Surely it’s not a coincidence that this song borrows a line from Mr. Timberlake’s most famous ex-girlfriend. Britney Spears once sang, “I’m a slave for you”; now he is singing, “Baby, I’m your slave.” With its slightly sadistic beat and purposefully repetitive melody, “SexyBack” evokes the vague menace of Ms. Spears’s best dance tracks. It’s the clammy, claustrophobic sound of a pop star in “shackles,” putting on a show for us.


(I’ve also included a piece I found online. It made me feel better. Photos of his crimes are included….)

Last month Cameron Diaz extracted an apology from the red top tabloid, The Sun over claims that she'd cheated on Justin Timberlake. This month it's Timberlake’s turn, with news that he's extracted an apology - and a hefty wad of cash - from News of the World over their claims that he'd cheated on Diaz by shagging some stick-thin model with attitude and an eating disorder. Timberlake's solicitors had claimed that the story had damaged Timberlake's "personal and professional reputations." Which is some cheek, if you ask us. The former *Nsync star, sometime Mousketeer and one-time beau of Britney has publicly groped Kylie, let it all hang out on stage with Janet Jackson and generally rarely been out of the headlines over the last few years. Stories like the News of the World's are no more fake than most everything else written about the white(r) Michael Jackson. If you ask us, he should be paying the News of the World, rather than them paying him.

Shame! (Cameron...Will you help me, I want to be in movies!!! Love, JT)

Shame! (Janet...Will you help me, I need to be edgy!!! Word, JT)

Shame! (Kylie...Will you help me, nobody knows who I am in Europe!!! Peace, JT)

Shame! (X-Tina...Will you help me, nobody will come to my concert unless someone else performs!!! Just Chillin', JT)

Shame! You know her name!!!! How do I know? Because you won't stop mentioning it in every press junket and interview you are doing! We get it, you dated. Congrats! Now shut it.
(Britney...Will you help me, I need someone I can date who I can talk about forever so I can eternally gain sympathy. Ladies love a broken heart...after all, look at what it's doing for Nick Lachey!!! Cryin' A River, JT)


Blogger "said" Woman said...

As an update: Since this entry was written, J-Dog has gone on to date Jessica Biel. They broke up shortly after his acting turn in the Oscar nominated "Social Network". Coincidence? I think not. He's a legit actor now, he doesn't need her connections anymore...

I'm on to you good sir.

4:05 PM  

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